The End of a Very Busy Week . . .
2 months ago
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Time For A Laugh
Nothing to Wink At
In Bible college, I began dating a fellow. During our first month of dating, we decided we should study the Bible together. With my plot well set, one night I opened my Bible to (Proverbs 18:22) and read, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." I looked up, winked, and said, "Couldn't you use a little favor from the Lord?"
My boyfriend, a Bible scholar, was quick with his reply from (Proverbs 10:10)—"He who winks the eye causes trouble."
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Earthquake
The Weather Channel says Tuesday's east coast earthquake was caused by an unknown fault line running under D.C. and through Virginia. It is now being called Obama's Fault, though Obama will say it's really Bush's Fault. Other theories are that it was the founding fathers rolling over in their graves or that what we all believed to be an earthquake was actually the effects of a 14.6 trillion dollar check bouncing in Washington... ~ Ivonne Sola
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Time for a Laugh
A Vision of Swine
At the beginning of children's Bible club, we always review the previous week's lesson. Getting the conversation going one evening about the story of Peter's vision of the heavenly sheet filled with animals, another teacher asked, "What did Peter see when he went up on the housetop to pray?"
One little boy waved his hand and yelled, "Pigs in a blanket!"
One little boy waved his hand and yelled, "Pigs in a blanket!"
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Time for a Laugh
Child to his father: "I heard the pastor say that he studies words with a Greek leprechaun!"
From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Just for Laughs
"When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.Com
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Friday, October 1, 2010
Time for a Laugh
Our Sunday school Bible study teacher sent this email to us, and I laughed so hard tears were rolling down my face. I just HAVE to share them!
The economy is so bad that...
...I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
...I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
...CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
...Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
...my ATM gave me an IOU.
...I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
...I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
...if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
...Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
...McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
...Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
...parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
...my cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
...a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
...Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
...a picture is now only worth 200 words.
...they renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
...when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
...the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
...Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
Hope you enjoy! Remember, it's all in fun.
The economy is so bad that...
...I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
...I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
...CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
...Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
...my ATM gave me an IOU.
...I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
...I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
...if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
...Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
...McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
...Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
...parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
...my cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
...a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
...Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
...a picture is now only worth 200 words.
...they renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
...when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
...the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
...Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
Hope you enjoy! Remember, it's all in fun.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A Funny Cartoon - Or Is It?
Hahahahaha!! That's so....wait a minute....I'm not sure I wanna laugh. How funny is it? You decide.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Jokes, Anyone?
"Goat" Tell It on the Mountain
My three-year-old son, Grant, told me he learned a new song in children's church about goats on the mountain when Jesus was born. I hadn't heard that one before, so I asked him to sing it. He began, "Goats tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere. Goats tell it on the mountain, that Jesus Christ is born."
Grin and Bear It
A friend of mine used to teach Sunday school, and her favorite hymn to sing in class was, "Oh, the Consecrated Cross I Bear." One Sunday, a concerned mother questioned my friend about a song her child said she'd learned in class. Her daughter had been singing, "Oh, the constipated, cross-eyed bear!"
Love hearing the little ones worship! From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com.
My three-year-old son, Grant, told me he learned a new song in children's church about goats on the mountain when Jesus was born. I hadn't heard that one before, so I asked him to sing it. He began, "Goats tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere. Goats tell it on the mountain, that Jesus Christ is born."
Grin and Bear It
A friend of mine used to teach Sunday school, and her favorite hymn to sing in class was, "Oh, the Consecrated Cross I Bear." One Sunday, a concerned mother questioned my friend about a song her child said she'd learned in class. Her daughter had been singing, "Oh, the constipated, cross-eyed bear!"
Love hearing the little ones worship! From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
So What's the Answer?
The story is told about a pastor who was into telling stories to the children. He'd bring all the children up, and they'd sit on the floor, and he'd tell them a story. One day he said, "Boys and girls, I want to tell you a story about someone who likes to live in the woods, but sometimes we can see him in our yards. Anybody have any idea who I am talking about?"
No takers. He said, "I want to tell you about a creature that lives in the woods and sometimes in our yards, has a big bushy tail, likes to eat nuts. Anybody have any idea what I'm talking about?"
No takers. He said, "I'm talking about a creature that lives in the woods, sometimes in our yards, big bushy tail, eats nuts, likes to climb trees, jumps from tree to tree--now, does anybody know what I'm talking about?"
One kid raised his hand to take him out of his misery. The pastor said, "Do you know what I'm thinking about?"
The kid said, "Yeah. I know the answer should be Jesus, but it sounds like a squirrel to me."
- From ChurchLaughs at ChristianityToday.com
No takers. He said, "I want to tell you about a creature that lives in the woods and sometimes in our yards, has a big bushy tail, likes to eat nuts. Anybody have any idea what I'm talking about?"
No takers. He said, "I'm talking about a creature that lives in the woods, sometimes in our yards, big bushy tail, eats nuts, likes to climb trees, jumps from tree to tree--now, does anybody know what I'm talking about?"
One kid raised his hand to take him out of his misery. The pastor said, "Do you know what I'm thinking about?"
The kid said, "Yeah. I know the answer should be Jesus, but it sounds like a squirrel to me."
- From ChurchLaughs at ChristianityToday.com
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Things Kids Say
As I was taking my son E to school this morning, we listened to a new Christian radio station that was quoting a Bible verse. I asked my son about it, and his answer to me was, "Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was in E-Land. It's my special place, where there's no school, kids can fart in public, and ice cream is a vegetable."
This kid amazes me sometimes.
This kid amazes me sometimes.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Time for a Little Laughter
This is one my musical daughter would appreciate :-).
In a college music theory class one warm spring day, the other students and I were having a hard time concentrating. The heat was oppressive and a wasp buzzed threateningly above our heads.
The teacher—oblivious to the dive-bombing menace—continued lecturing while the rest of us dodged and swatted at the invader. Finally, it landed on one student's open book. With a quick slap, he snapped the text shut, killing the wasp. The professor, startled, looked up. "What was that?" she asked, annoyed. Thinking quickly, the killer answered sheepishly, "A bee flat."
In a college music theory class one warm spring day, the other students and I were having a hard time concentrating. The heat was oppressive and a wasp buzzed threateningly above our heads.
The teacher—oblivious to the dive-bombing menace—continued lecturing while the rest of us dodged and swatted at the invader. Finally, it landed on one student's open book. With a quick slap, he snapped the text shut, killing the wasp. The professor, startled, looked up. "What was that?" she asked, annoyed. Thinking quickly, the killer answered sheepishly, "A bee flat."
From ChristianityToday.com.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
A Humorous Picture of Christmas
From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com:
A little girl came home from Sunday school waving a paper for her mother to see. "Look Mommy," she exclaimed, "Teacher says I drew the most unusual Christmas picture she ever saw!"
Her mother took one look and had to agree with the teacher. Hoping her daughter could explain her creation, the mother asked, "Why are all these people riding in the back of an airplane?"
"Well, Mommy, that's the flight into Egypt."
Accepting that, mother asked another question: "Who is this mean-looking man in the front?"
Her daughter answered quickly and knowingly: "That's Pontius, the Pilot."
Looking at the picture even more closely, the mother said, "I see you have Mary and Joseph and the baby. But who is this large man sitting behind Mary?"
"Can't you tell?" the little girl asked, beginning to shake her head in disappointment. "That's Round John Virgin."
Kids are funnier than any comedian! Merry Christmas!
A little girl came home from Sunday school waving a paper for her mother to see. "Look Mommy," she exclaimed, "Teacher says I drew the most unusual Christmas picture she ever saw!"
Her mother took one look and had to agree with the teacher. Hoping her daughter could explain her creation, the mother asked, "Why are all these people riding in the back of an airplane?"
"Well, Mommy, that's the flight into Egypt."
Accepting that, mother asked another question: "Who is this mean-looking man in the front?"
Her daughter answered quickly and knowingly: "That's Pontius, the Pilot."
Looking at the picture even more closely, the mother said, "I see you have Mary and Joseph and the baby. But who is this large man sitting behind Mary?"
"Can't you tell?" the little girl asked, beginning to shake her head in disappointment. "That's Round John Virgin."
Kids are funnier than any comedian! Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Kids Say the Funniest Things
"Shortly after our family began having nightly devotions—which isn't easy with a precocious four-year-old daughter and an impish two-year-old son—my daughter asked, "Mommy, when are we gonna get together with Daddy and Austin to talk about God and have family commotions?"
From Church Laughs at Christianity.com
From Church Laughs at Christianity.com
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Time for a Laugh - Accentuate the Positive
The elderly pastor's wife was known for her ability to make positive comments about every facet of her husband's Florida ministry. The church choir, however, consisting as it did of seniors in their 70s and 80s, had defied positive but truthful comment.
She finally solved the problem one Sunday morning. As the choir members filed into the choir loft, she leaned over to me and remarked, "Aren't they walking well this morning?"
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
She finally solved the problem one Sunday morning. As the choir members filed into the choir loft, she leaned over to me and remarked, "Aren't they walking well this morning?"
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
No Thanks
The first day of school, my son came home saying, "We can't use 'thank you' in the bathroom."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
He explained, "There's a sign on the bathroom door that says, 'Please do not use—thank you.'"
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
"What do you mean?" I asked.
He explained, "There's a sign on the bathroom door that says, 'Please do not use—thank you.'"
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Children's Grace
My friend Bob was trying to teach his daughter, Jenny, how to say grace before meals. After a few weeks of coaching, Bob decided Jenny was ready to say grace all by herself.
Jenny started out fine, thanking God for her mommy and daddy and brother and sister and for the rolls and the salad, etc. She ended with a big, "Thank you, God, for the spaghetti!" and lifted her head.
The tradition in Bob's house, though, was to end each prayer with "In Jesus' name, Amen." So Bob prompted Jenny, "In … "
At first, Jenny seemed confused. Then she proudly exclaimed, "In tomato sauce. Amen."
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
Jenny started out fine, thanking God for her mommy and daddy and brother and sister and for the rolls and the salad, etc. She ended with a big, "Thank you, God, for the spaghetti!" and lifted her head.
The tradition in Bob's house, though, was to end each prayer with "In Jesus' name, Amen." So Bob prompted Jenny, "In … "
At first, Jenny seemed confused. Then she proudly exclaimed, "In tomato sauce. Amen."
- From Church Laughs at ChristianityToday.com
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