2019 - New Year, New Family Member

A new year brings new promises, new expectations, new trials. 2019 was no different. It was a year filled with so much change, I won't forget it anytime soon!

My daughter A had begun dating C in September 2017, around the time Hurricane Irma hit. Their relationship blossomed. They had the same interests, values, beliefs, sense of humor...he was everything she had prayed for, and she was exactly what he had hoped for. So it was no surprise when C came to me in early February to ask for my daughter's hand in marriage. It brought me great joy to know the man my daughter had fallen in love with would be her partner for life.

The proposal was so sweet. One of their first dates had been to one of those escape rooms, where you're given clues to go from one room to the next and have to "break out" in a specified amount of time (typically one hour). Neither had done one before, so they thought it would be something fun to try. Both had enjoyed it and especially enjoyed knowing they'd experienced for the first time together. C decided he would recreate that date which had been so special to them. So he arranged with the owners of the escape room to have one of the clues be a love letter he'd written for the occasion. March 1 he picked her up and they went on their normal Friday night date. When they entered the room, the employees were taping while my daughter picked up the "clue". Behind her C was on one knee, and when she turned around he popped the question, to which she quickly responded Yes! What a joyous blessing that day was!

Now, as we all know, dating is not addressed in the Bible. That's because in biblical times parents chose their children's spouses. Sometimes this worked out well; as parents, we all want what is best for our children, and we would hopefully pick wisely for them. Of course, if the parents were more concerned with their own interests and not those of their children, this method would fail. Today, young people choose for themselves who they will marry through the process of dating/courtship. Even though the process has changed, I believe we can still learn from Scripture the best way to go about dating, courtship, engagement and marriage.

The Bible teaches the importance of marriage vows. These are not to be callously broken. It is a lifelong commitment (Genesis 2:24). God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), He hates adultery, He hates immorality. He tells Christians not to look for a marriage partner outside of the faith (2 Corinthians 6:14). He spells out the roles of husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:22-33). All these things should be considered before committing to marriage, because there is nothing worse than living miserably married. Therefore, a courtship shouldn't be rushed. I've seen that people tend to show only their best side when dating, especially during the first year of dating/courtship. Each person is on their best behavior, watching their words and actions so as not to drive the other away. But when they've dated long enough, and become comfortable around each other, that's when the little "quirks" start to appear. Sometimes they're insignificant; no big deal, easily adapted to. Other times they're red flags that shouldn't be ignored. The person you marry has to be someone you respect, so ask yourself, "Do I respect this person? Do I see myself in a lifelong partnership with this person?" If the answer is no, run, don't walk. If the answer is I don't know, stop. Be wise. Talk to someone you trust. The person you are considering may be a nice person, a good person, but not the right person for you. Take your time and make the best decision.

Once you're certain that this is the person God has led you to, the person He has chosen for you to spend your life with, then what? I know people have different opinions on this point, but my belief is that, while dating and courtship shouldn't last less than a year, engagements should be short. Why? For starters, we do not want to give the devil an opportunity to use us (Ephesians 4:27). It's easy to fall into temptation when emotions are running high. Secondly, Scripture teaches us how highly God views engagements. When Joseph found out Mary was pregnant with Jesus, the Bible tells us he was going to secretly divorce her (Matthew 1:19). Yet, they weren't married. But in God's eyes, an engagement is as serious as marriage, and should not be defiled. If you're absolutely sure this is the spouse for you, I believe the sooner you get married the better.

Now, I realize that weddings take time to organize - if it's a big wedding. However, that doesn't have to be the case. My daughter and her fiance got engaged March 1 and were married June 21, just 2 1/2 months later. They chose to have a small wedding for two reasons: first, they wanted to cash flow the wedding, meaning no credit card or any other type of debt would be incurred with their nuptials. Second, they had a budget for the wedding and the honeymoon, and they wanted to spend more on the honeymoon. I appreciated and approved of this decision. While I love weddings as much as the next person, the truth is it's only a few hours and then it's over and the real thing begins. The honeymoon, the time when life as husband and wife begins, is much more important. So while the wedding was a small event of only 50 guests, the honeymoon was a Mediterranean cruise that took them to Spain, Italy, Monaco, and several other places, and that time is precious to them.

I am so happy and so very thankful that 2019 gave me a new son. We love C to the moon and back! I can say with confidence that he's everything this mama prayed for. Ah, but the changes had only begun! There was more, much more to come.

2011 - Reflections of a Year Gone By

I've thought about this post and run it through my mind a hundred times.  Reliving some of 2011 is difficult and painful.  It's been a year of ups and downs, with downs dominating much of the time.  There have been times when I thought I was Job, getting hit with bad news at every turn.  Still, I have seen the hand of God in my life, even in the worst moments, when I thought I'd reached the end of my rope.  There were plenty of times when I thought I'd write about it on my blog, but then I'd sit at my computer, and I couldn't.  I wasn't ready to.  Now, as a new year is ready to begin, it's time to record the year's events so that I can look back and be reminded of God's faithfulness and His promise to never leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)

 - We refinanced our house in January.  Let me back track a bit.  We looked into selling our house to an interested party back in October 2010, with the intention of moving to Central Florida where our daughter was in school and our oldest son was considering moving to because there are more job opportunities.  The deal fell through, but my husband decided we should refinance our current home, take some of the cash out of our equity, and use it to buy a new house.  With the savings we already had we could buy a house free and clear and rent out the house in South Florida.  I didn't like the idea of refinancing our house and increasing our debt, but my husband had already decided he didn't want to sell our current house, and with it being rented out it would be paid for, which meant it was an investment.

 - I spent a few days in Central Florida in February, where we found a couple of houses we liked.  One was a foreclosure, the other a short sale.  This is very common right now due to the economy.  We decided to put in an offer on the foreclosure home, but were outbid.  We then put in an offer on the short sale home, and our offer was accepted by the seller.  We were on our way.

 - Several months later, after packing up our house and waiting patiently for an answer, we found out the house we were trying to buy had 3 investors that couldn't come to an agreement on the cost of the house.  We continued looking at and bidding on houses, but were outbid each time.  By May it was clear to me this was not the direction God wanted us to take.  My husband, on the other hand, was trying to find any possible way for me and the kids to move.  I say me and the kids, because he'd decided he wasn't going to move up with us.  His job had originally been sending him regularly to Central Florida to work, and it was the reason we were looking there in the first place.  Now he was telling me he wasn't going to be traveling up for work very often, nor did he want to.  He intended on renting the South Florida house to his sister and living in it with her.  I argued repeatedly that we wouldn't be able to afford what he wanted to do, but he would get angry and start yelling, so I dropped the subject and left it in God's hands.  I knew if He wanted it to happen it would, and if He didn't, no matter what we did it simply wouldn't work out.

 - My daughter's lease on her apartment would be over in July, and with no other prospects I told my husband I was going to find another apartment for her.  My oldest son would be moving up with her.  I cried bitterly at the thought that both my children would be leaving, but I accepted it and did what I could to help them with their move.  We found an apartment just 15 minutes from the university, with plenty of room for both of them and very affordable.  We would be back to help them move in and get settled.

 - June, July and August were a blur, with us traveling back and forth from South Florida to Central Florida and back. It was a difficult time for me, trying to keep my youngest son busy and entertained, helping the older kids get everything they needed for their new place, and dealing with a cranky husband.  It was during this time that I discovered why my husband was so intent on us moving to Central Florida at any cost.  He was having an affair.  If that wasn't enough, when I confronted him about it, he acted as though I was making a big deal over it.  He never showed any remorse nor made any attempt to fix the marriage.  I was devastated.

 - Thankfully God has placed people in my life that love me, pray for me, and help me in those moments when my world seems to be falling apart.  I sat with my pastor and his wife, and told them what was going on.  Pastor Frank gave me biblical advise, but he didn't stop there.  He gave me two phone numbers: one for a lawyer (a Christian one in our church), and a counseling center.  It was overwhelming at the time, but I'm so glad he gave me those numbers, and thankful the Holy Spirit gave me the strength to call.

 - I spoke with the lawyer to get legal advise.  I just wanted to know what my rights are and what the law in Florida states.  It took longer before I made the appointment to see the counselor.  By the time I got in to see her, I was an emotional mess.  I was being filled up with anger, bitterness, confusion and distress.  Through counseling I was able to deal with the emotions I was feeling, It was helpful to understand I was grieving what was clearly the end of my marriage.  My husband was unrepentant and unwilling to make any changes, and I was unwilling to continue living this way.  There was no longer any trust, and after all the emotional and mental abuse I'd been put through I knew it was time to put an end to it.

 - It took a couple of months but Thanksgiving weekend, while I was in Central Florida with my children, my husband moved out.  Even though I knew it was coming, it didn't make it any easier.  It was especially hard to have to explain to my youngest son that his father no longer lived at home.  He knew we'd been arguing, and he was aware Mommy wasn't sleeping in the same room as Daddy, but it still caught him by surprise.  Again, the Lord has been with me, and my son has been dealing with the situation much better than I'd expected.  And although I've cried more tears in the past 6 months than I have in the past 6 years, the Lord has given me peace.

 - I was settling in to the idea of being a single mom.  I'd decorated the house for Christmas and made plans for the month.  I went to bed the night before my birthday feeling pretty good.  Then, at 10:30pm, just an hour and a half before my birthday, my daughter woke me to say my sister had called her.  They were taking my mother to the hospital with chest pains.  I was in a daze.  I told my daughter we needed to pray, though it was probably nothing.

 - I woke up several times during the night and prayed.  Then in the morning I texted my sister to see what was going on,  I was sure mom had gas or something simple like that.  Instead I was shocked to find my mother had had a mild heart attack.  As the week progressed, we found out my mom had complete blockage in one artery and partial blockage in 2 more.  Before we had a chance to react Mom was scheduled for open heart surgery.  I was so far away, unable to be with her, wondering how a 74 year old woman would handle such delicate surgery, and wondering what else could possibly happen?  But again, the Lord was with us, and Mom is back home after a triple bypass.

During this time, I've learned more and more to lean on the Lord.  Yes, there are times when I'm sad and depressed.  There are moments of despair as I'm overwhelmed with all that has happened in a short amount of time.  Yet I remember Job, who lost everything, including his children, in a matter of minutes, and still he never spoke against the Lord nor sinned with his words.  The Lord blessed Job with double of everything he'd originally had because he was faithful.  The Lord has already done so much for me, I have no doubt He will continue to walk with me through this ordeal.  There will be difficult moments in my life in 2012, but I also believe God will bring blessings to me and my family this year because He is good.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"

 -Psalm 34:8