The Beauty of Marriage

My friend LN was showing me a magazine she found yesterday called More. It's for women who are 40+, passed the 20's and 30's but not yet in the "elderly" category. One of the first articles mentioned on the cover was "Sex after 40". I wasn't surprised to see that, of course. Our society is obsessed with sex, before AND after 40. What I was shocked to see was what some people had to say about Michelle Duggar.

It seems there is an overall agreement in the blogworld that Michelle Duggar should stop having sex so frequently. (Actually, the comments made were much more vulgar and I refuse to repeat them because they are offensive, not only to Mrs. Duggar, but to married women in general). When we consider the amount of sex in the media, in movies and television, reading material, and everywhere we turn, I actually laughed out loud when I read comments that Mrs. Duggar needs to have control. Only it wasn't all that funny.

The pretense is not about sex in itself. The issue, according to most, is the fact that she is not having "responsible" sex. What does our culture refer to when speaking of "responsible" sex? Is it the same thing God calls responsible? Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Marriage, according to the Bible, is a sacred union: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." - Genesis 2:24. Our culture, however, views "responsible" sex as simply this: avoidance of pregnancy and disease. It doesn't matter who your partner is; it doesn't matter if you're married to that person or not; it doesn't matter if you have multiple partners, at different times or simultaneously. Having "responsible" sex means using the proper "protection" and birth control so that the sexual tryst can be enjoyed without having to pay any unwanted penalties.

Has this worked? Is our society a better one because of the "safe sex" that is taught in schools and in the media? If it were true, then we'd have no unwed teenage pregnancies. There would be no need for pornography. Sexual crimes would not exist. Venereal diseases would have been wiped out long ago, and HIV would be a thing of the past. Ah, but we all know none of this is true. Quite the opposite: the more we focus on having sex just for the sake of "doing it", with no real responsibility attached, the lower our society falls morally. Values have gone out the window, and right now marriage is a 50/50 shot at best, because sex has become the only important part of intimacy. Actually the ONLY part of intimacy. There isn't a true relationship if the only thing that brought a couple together was sex. Hense the amount of divorces due to "irreconcilable differences". Couples who simply "grew apart." The only thing that drew them together was sex, and once it fizzles the slightest bit, there's nothing else of substance there, and the marriage has nowhere to go but down.

What does work then? God's way? Most people would shudder, wondering what God has to do with that aspect of our lives. In reality, God created sex, and created it to be enjoyable. He wants His children to enjoy safe and responsible sex, and gives us the guidelines for it:

"Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." - 1 Corinthians 7:2-4

"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." - Ephesians 5:28

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." - Colossians 3:19

"Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach." - 1 Timothy 3:2

"The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." - Titus 2:3-5

The basis for a good marriage doesn't start with sex; it starts with love. That doesn't seem so difficult, does it? God calls men to have one wife and women to have one husband. Husbands are to love their wives as themselves, and wives are to love, respect and honor their husbands. Most important, each is to render affection to each other, knowing they belong to each other. There are many more verses in the Bible that teach us to be pure before marriage; to honor and be faithful and true to one spouse; to love that spouse and enjoy an intimate relationship with him/her. God meant for intimacy to be an integral part of the marriage relationship, not a body function. Instead of chastizing Mrs. Duggar, I say we celebrate the example of love and commitment she has for her husband and he for his wife, and the example of love, respect, faithfulness and integrity they are teaching their children. I guarantee, if we teach our children these lessons by example instead of letting the public school systems teach them "safe sex" procedures, we'll see much less of the issues plaguing America today. We'll see family values flourish again. And we'll have healthier family units because of it.