2019 - New Year, New Family Member

A new year brings new promises, new expectations, new trials. 2019 was no different. It was a year filled with so much change, I won't forget it anytime soon!

My daughter A had begun dating C in September 2017, around the time Hurricane Irma hit. Their relationship blossomed. They had the same interests, values, beliefs, sense of humor...he was everything she had prayed for, and she was exactly what he had hoped for. So it was no surprise when C came to me in early February to ask for my daughter's hand in marriage. It brought me great joy to know the man my daughter had fallen in love with would be her partner for life.

The proposal was so sweet. One of their first dates had been to one of those escape rooms, where you're given clues to go from one room to the next and have to "break out" in a specified amount of time (typically one hour). Neither had done one before, so they thought it would be something fun to try. Both had enjoyed it and especially enjoyed knowing they'd experienced for the first time together. C decided he would recreate that date which had been so special to them. So he arranged with the owners of the escape room to have one of the clues be a love letter he'd written for the occasion. March 1 he picked her up and they went on their normal Friday night date. When they entered the room, the employees were taping while my daughter picked up the "clue". Behind her C was on one knee, and when she turned around he popped the question, to which she quickly responded Yes! What a joyous blessing that day was!

Now, as we all know, dating is not addressed in the Bible. That's because in biblical times parents chose their children's spouses. Sometimes this worked out well; as parents, we all want what is best for our children, and we would hopefully pick wisely for them. Of course, if the parents were more concerned with their own interests and not those of their children, this method would fail. Today, young people choose for themselves who they will marry through the process of dating/courtship. Even though the process has changed, I believe we can still learn from Scripture the best way to go about dating, courtship, engagement and marriage.

The Bible teaches the importance of marriage vows. These are not to be callously broken. It is a lifelong commitment (Genesis 2:24). God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), He hates adultery, He hates immorality. He tells Christians not to look for a marriage partner outside of the faith (2 Corinthians 6:14). He spells out the roles of husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:22-33). All these things should be considered before committing to marriage, because there is nothing worse than living miserably married. Therefore, a courtship shouldn't be rushed. I've seen that people tend to show only their best side when dating, especially during the first year of dating/courtship. Each person is on their best behavior, watching their words and actions so as not to drive the other away. But when they've dated long enough, and become comfortable around each other, that's when the little "quirks" start to appear. Sometimes they're insignificant; no big deal, easily adapted to. Other times they're red flags that shouldn't be ignored. The person you marry has to be someone you respect, so ask yourself, "Do I respect this person? Do I see myself in a lifelong partnership with this person?" If the answer is no, run, don't walk. If the answer is I don't know, stop. Be wise. Talk to someone you trust. The person you are considering may be a nice person, a good person, but not the right person for you. Take your time and make the best decision.

Once you're certain that this is the person God has led you to, the person He has chosen for you to spend your life with, then what? I know people have different opinions on this point, but my belief is that, while dating and courtship shouldn't last less than a year, engagements should be short. Why? For starters, we do not want to give the devil an opportunity to use us (Ephesians 4:27). It's easy to fall into temptation when emotions are running high. Secondly, Scripture teaches us how highly God views engagements. When Joseph found out Mary was pregnant with Jesus, the Bible tells us he was going to secretly divorce her (Matthew 1:19). Yet, they weren't married. But in God's eyes, an engagement is as serious as marriage, and should not be defiled. If you're absolutely sure this is the spouse for you, I believe the sooner you get married the better.

Now, I realize that weddings take time to organize - if it's a big wedding. However, that doesn't have to be the case. My daughter and her fiance got engaged March 1 and were married June 21, just 2 1/2 months later. They chose to have a small wedding for two reasons: first, they wanted to cash flow the wedding, meaning no credit card or any other type of debt would be incurred with their nuptials. Second, they had a budget for the wedding and the honeymoon, and they wanted to spend more on the honeymoon. I appreciated and approved of this decision. While I love weddings as much as the next person, the truth is it's only a few hours and then it's over and the real thing begins. The honeymoon, the time when life as husband and wife begins, is much more important. So while the wedding was a small event of only 50 guests, the honeymoon was a Mediterranean cruise that took them to Spain, Italy, Monaco, and several other places, and that time is precious to them.

I am so happy and so very thankful that 2019 gave me a new son. We love C to the moon and back! I can say with confidence that he's everything this mama prayed for. Ah, but the changes had only begun! There was more, much more to come.