I don't like change. Change takes me out of my comfort zone. I'm not a big proponent of spontaneity. Don't give me big surprises. I don't appreciate surprises. I like knowing what to expect at any given time, with little or no change to my normal routine. It's a part of toddlerhood I must have never outgrown.
Of course, God doesn't work that way. Just when everything seems to be going fine, life is taking a customary and normal course, God throws us a curve ball and everything is out of whack. I'm not talking about subtle changes. I can deal with a rainy day when I planned to barbeque outdoors but have to cook indoors instead. I'm not afraid of going to Costco on Sunday instead of Saturday because we have a birthday party to go to. Those are small inconveniences that happen on a daily basis and aren't all that surprising. No, I'm referring to the big stuff, the stuff that rocks your world and causes that which is comfortable to disappear and in its place is something totally foreign to your normal everyday life. You know what I mean. It's the stuff you never saw coming, or maybe you saw it coming but figured, "If I duck I can avoid it." Only it came at you anyway, sort of like a heat seeking missile. That's where I'm at right now.
The company I work for, the company I've worked for since 1997, filed for bankruptcy last May. Now, I'd seen for some time that there were problems. You don't need to be a financial whiz to read the writing on the wall. So, I did what anyone does under the circumstances. I updated my resume and began looking for a new job. I didn't like the idea of changing jobs, but it was obvious to me it was going to have to happen. I prayed daily that the Lord would lead me to a job that would be enjoyable, and would help support my family without taking me far from home or taking time away from them. I felt confident God would put me in the best possible place.
Application after application, interview after interview, proved futile. I was either too qualified, the pay was too low, or they just didn't call. I couldn't understand it. In 20 years I've worked in 2 places. Doesn't that say something? Wouldn't that make me a desirable candidate? Besides, I was praying. Every single day. Why wasn't God answering?
After one particularly frustrating day, I realized my prayers were more "God get me this job" rather than "God, show me Your will for my life". I was trying to tell God what to do, instead of listening to Him. My methods obviously weren't working. I turned to the Lord and said, "I want what You want. Please show me what You want, Lord. I'll do whatever You tell me to do." That day my husband told me to stop looking for work. I was shocked, but felt that this was my answer from God. Surely this meant the company was going to recover miraculously from their financial woes, right? Everything would be fine, and nothing would have to change.
But there was no miraculous recovery. Things went from bad to worse for the company. I began my job search once again. Yet it seemed as though I was looking for a Coca Cola in the desert. As the months went by, I saw God working in my life towards a goal that I kept denying was possible. I could see how financially, thanks to His hand, we actually could survive on one income. But, I thought, I've always worked, throughout all my marriage! My family has always depended on my salary. Why would God put us through this dramatic change? And especially now, that I also had to deal with my daughter going away to college? This was more change than I could handle. It scared me.
Then one day, shortly after the bankruptcy announcement, I received an email from a dear friend who knew the struggles I was going through. It was a Bible verse the Lord had placed on her heart to share with me. The verse is Joshua 1:9 – "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." It brought me so much comfort. Change happens; we can try to avoid it, but sometimes it's out of our hands. When God allows change, it's because it's what's best for us. And He wants us to trust Him. Proverbs 16:3 says, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." To do this, we need to let go control and let God take over. It's a matter of faith, believing that God will take care of every situation and allowing Him to do what needs to be done in our lives.
Last week, the company was sold. The new owners are 3 ½ hours away, so chances are they won't be hiring me. My last day with the company is August 22. The very next day I drop my daughter off at school. I won't lie and say everything is peachy. I still don't like change. But I understand that God is in control. Romans 8:28 tells us, "we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." He has my best interests at heart. And because of that, I can accept the changes He's making in my life. So, for a season, I'll be a stay at home mom, to the joy of my 8 year old. And who knows what else God has in store for this time? Well, of course, He does. And that's all that matters.
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
- Proverbs 31:10, 25
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