Letting go

There are moments in our lives we never forget. The first day of school. Graduation day. The day we first set eyes on the person we'll spend the rest of our lives with. And the day the doctor puts that precious little person in our arms.

I didn't know I was having a little girl. I'd had a sonogram done early in my pregnancy, but the doctor couldn't tell the sex of the baby. Everyone who saw me told me I'd have another boy. Even strangers on the street would ask me, "Are you having a boy?" I had almost come to accept that my son would have a baby brother. Almost. Somehow I wasn't convinced.

My first delivery ended up being a cesarean section. I desperately wanted to give birth to my second child naturally, but it didn't work out that way. I was rushed into the OR and given general anesthesia, so I was asleep when my baby was born. When I awoke, the nurse told me, "You have a beautiful baby girl." I couldn't believe it. "Really?" I said. "It's a girl?" The nurse laughed at me. "Do you think I'd lie to you? Yes, it's a girl." And she was beautiful. Absolutely perfect. Perfectly round face, perfect little hands, perfect little body, perfect fingers & toes. She was gorgeous. And what a good baby! The first night she came home, she slept 5 hours straight. I got up to check on her because I couldn't believe she was already sleeping through the night. When she awoke, I fed her and she went right back to sleep. Just perfect.

At eight months she could already walk. By her second birthday she spoke in complete sentences. She never went to pre-school, yet she learned to read in a week and developed a love of books. She never got less than a B on her report card. And I never got complaints about her behavior. She was an excellent student and model child. Just perfect.

At age 13 we asked her what she wanted for Christmas. To our surprise, she asked for a guitar. She'd never shown any interest in musical instuments. We asked why, of all things, did she want a guitar? "I want to learn how to play," was her simple answer. Daddy & I weren't convinced. But her father has never been able to say no to his little girl. So he found a used guitar, complete with its case, and gave it to her for Christmas. We felt this was a good idea. If she really wanted to learn to play, she could do so on this small, second hand guitar. If not, it wasn't a huge loss.

She was so happy to have her guitar. Immediately she began looking up information on the internet so she could teach herself to play. When she started high school, she took a guitar class as one of her electives. Before we knew it, she was playing, and playing well. She practiced 3 hours daily, of her own accord. When she asked Daddy for a better guitar (the second hand one was hard to tune), he gladly bought her a brand new acoustic. Was that enough for her? No. She took her second hand guitar to the music store, and traded it in for an electric guitar. A Fender, no less. Reluctantly I bought her the amp, afraid of the noise level that would be coming from her room. But she played so well, that when she decided she also wanted to learn to play bass guitar, Daddy got her one. She's played in different bands and in different churches. Just perfect.

Ah, church. I'd raised my children in the catholic faith because that was the church my husband had been raised in, but I never felt fulfilled there. When she was 13 I accepted Christ as my personal Savior. I began taking my children to a Christian church, not knowing if they'd like it or respond favorably to the very different setting and teachings. The first day my children looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. After all, this wasn't in a church building, this was in a movie theater. But once the music began playing, and the pastor gave the message, I could see my kids reacting more positively. My daughter especially seemed to enjoy coming to this church. Of course, I wanted this to be more than entertainment for her. And I could see how the messages at church were working her life. I cried when I heard her give her testimony at her youth group. I was elated the day she got baptized. Now, she speaks of using music in ministry, and impacting other youth with the message of the Gospel. Just perfect.

As the time to look at colleges and universities approached, I assumed she would stay close to home. There are excellent schools in South Florida, and she had the grades to get into any one she chose. Instead, she chose a school in Central Florida. Four hours away from home. Daddy became distraught. He begged her to look at the local schools. He promised a car if she stayed home. He told her he'd pay any amount of money just so she wouldn't go far. But she had her heart set.

Of course she got her letter of acceptance almost immediately. Her GPA was over 4.0 and she'd already been taking advance placement courses in high school. She received 2 scholarships, one from the university itself. This was what she wanted. Just perfect.

Tomorrow I'm taking her to get set up in her dorm. Aug 25 is her first day of school, and she needs to get moved in. With sadness in my heart, I will drop off my little girl and come home alone. The house will seem empty without her. My arms will be empty without her. But as I look back, I'll remember one thing that stands out. She's just perfect.