Parenting Rant

Here's a universal truth: people don't like taking blame for anything. I fall under this category too; I like to find a scapegoat whenever things don't turn out right. It started with Adam and Eve. Eve blamed the serpent for the fact that she'd eaten the fruit rather than accept responsibility for her own actions. Adam was worse: he actually blamed God! "The woman You put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." (Genesis 3:12).

Parents are especially guilty of blaming others when their kids don't turn out right. Rather than ask, "What am I doing wrong, and how can I make it right?", we look for ways to say it's the fault of everyone else around us. But God has been showing me different ways in which parents (myself included) often drop the ball when it comes to raising children. This is just a small rant of 5 points where parents need to stop pointing to others and start making changes in their parenting lives:

1. Role Models. We get so upset when one of our children's role models mess up. Athletes, television celebrities, and movie stars are expected to show our children how to live a model life. Even in the church, parents expect pastors and other church leaders to set the right example of living a godly life. Yet the Bible doesn't give that responsibility to outsiders. God expects parents to be the proper role models for their children. Want to be an effective parent and a good role model? Follow these instructions: "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." - 2 Peter 1:5-8. We have to stop expecting others to be our kid's role models, and start living a life they'll want to emulate.
   
2. Schooling. Now, to those parents who say they can't homeschool for whatever reason, that's not what I'm talking about. This isn't about the basics that teachers teach in school, like reading, writing and arithmetic. It's about teaching morals, values, and behavior. How many parents expect teachers to keep their kids in line, and show them right from wrong. If a child is caught cheating on a test, or stealing from another pupil, the parent expects the teacher to keep the child after school or issue punishment through some kind of assignment. That way the teacher is the bad guy and the parents can wash their hands of the whole nasty business. But once again, it's not the teachers responsibility to teach our children what God expects of them; it's ours: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." - Deuteronomy 6:6-7. When kids mess up, and they WILL mess up, the children need to hear from their parents what is acceptable and what isn't, and the parents must issue whatever discipline is called for. No, your children will not hate you for it. They'll respect you for it.
   
3. Materialism. We've turned into a very materialistic society. The value of a person is no longer viewed in terms of honesty and integrity; it's viewed by bank accounts and assets. If we show our children that money is what's most important, they will learn to value it above all else, even above us. "No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." - Luke 16:13. Instead, let's teach our children about priorities. "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33. This doesn't mean we should ignore the money issue - that would be equally irresponsible. We need to teach our children how to use money wisely (do you realize most children finish high school without having learned how to balance a checkbook?) but not to trust in it or overvalue it.
   
4. Guilt. This falls partially under the whole "materialism" rant. The media loves to show us all the latest everything, and make us feel as though we're the worst parents in the world if we don't give our children everything they want or everything we wanted as children but couldn't get. So we work and work and work just to be able to save a few bucks so we can take a two week vacation with our family, then get back to work work work to finish paying it off. Now there's even more guilt, because we're spending more time outside the home than with our family. Since when is the media our measurement for what is good for our family? Why do we allow the world to tell us what our family needs are? God gives each family the choice of how they will live, and we need to be influenced by Him, not by outside sources. "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." - Joshua 24:15.
   
5. Promoting laziness. I know, many parents will disagree with this, saying, "I'm constantly looking for things for my child to do. They are in (fill in the blank: baseball, basketball, football, soccer, karate, dance, music). I spend most of my time chauffering them around town to all their activities." Ah, but when it comes time to do chores around the house, well, "We need to let kids be kids." Don't you see? Keeping them busy with activities is supposed to nurture teamwork, yet when it comes to helping out around the house, mom and (sometimes) dad are expected to be the "team". By driving them here, there and everywhere to do their fun activities, are we really teaching them not to be lazy? Let's face it: life isn't always fun. "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." - Ecclesiates 3:1. We need to teach our children to have a good work ethic, and that starts in the home with chores. Whether you choose to reward their work with money is a personal matter; I personally believe children should help around the house because they live there. I also believe that when children are allowed to help around the house with chores, even if it's just taking out the trash, it gives them a feeling of belonging, of usefulness, and of gratitude for what the rest of the family does. Rather than teaching them that they deserve everything and therefore everything should be done for them, teach them to earn the respect of others by carrying out their responsibilities well.

Parents like to complain about children not coming with instructions. Actually, God has generously provided us with a manual for our lives and our children's lives. His Word outlines the best way to raise our children so that they can grow up to be godly, respectful, responsible adults. And the best way to start: by being godly, respectful, responsible adults ourselves.